I am not sure when and how these things became "good manner" in our culture. Things like "lower your eyes when you talk to people" to show how polite you are. Or "being shy" as a positive attitude that shows how good your parents raised you. These sort of things. But as long as I remember I have always tried not to look at the eyes of the person who I am talking to. Good or bad I am not trying to judge, this is me. It should not be just a matter of religious cause I remember it since I was a kid and people at that time, I mean almost 30 years ago, where not trying to be "that religious" as they are now.
Imagine how embarrassed I became the first time I noticed every single person in Australia look straight in my eyes when they talk to me. It may sound stupid but I even shivered and trembled when that muscle with his deep-as-ocean blue eyes, spiky hair and smiley face asked me what he could do for me, well he was a cashier in Kmart ! But I had a difficult time! It is hard as it is completely different from what I have done and been told all my life. It is hard to realise that difference as well. Mainly because you are not looking at people while you are talking to them for the first couple of months, probably, and it will take time to notice they are looking at you when they are talking to you! Harder than that is to accept the difference and change your mentality. But whether I like it or not, people here respect confidence. Looking at the eyes is a sign of confidence I never had, or at least this is what I guess. You can't live here and look at the wall or ground when you talk to your colleague. He will think 1) you are crazy 2) you are rude 3) you are insane! No matter how hard you try to convince yourslef that you do not care what people think about you, it will matter how people treat you if you want to socialise with them.
6 comments:
Hi homa,
Congratulation on your new blog. I like it and will read the posts from now on.
A friend of mine missed a job because he did not maintain eye contact during the interview! Seriously! They mentioned this in a formal letter after interview as one of the reason he was not successful in the interviews!
I attended a time management seminar last week. There, they were talking about how to stop others from distracting you when you are working and one of the ways the presenter suggested was to avoid eye contact if a colleague started to talk to you or came to your work area while you are focusing on a project. Almost all my colleagues agreed this is not practical in our office since it would be very rude! I wonder how they used to think about me in my first months! Moreover, it is not only eyes, there are many other things that we say with our body language and have different meaning in western culture…
Oh
Unfortunately, I have this kind of problem too, especially when I speak with women. It is true that it becomes one of my habits during my life, yet I think I can change it, because I used to look around when I spoke with men, Nowadays I just have problem when I speak with women,
I feel crazy
Hi, congratulations on the English blog.
I think you need something to motivate you to change your habbit. For example if you travel to Iran or talk with someone who wouldn't look into your eyes and you feel the (unconscious) offense behind that, you will have a reason for trying harder.
You pushed my button. All what we are facing here back to our culture. Some of them can be changed and rest of them need hundred years...
Anyway. Have fun.
hi homa...
sometimes i think that i would like to live with people totally different from mine, but there is a lot of differences there and i doubt if i get used to ...
It is weird as it is different from what we have been told all our lives .anyway we have to change it in order top have a better life in future!
Post a Comment